The road to good-bye.

I moved to Italy in April 2006. It had been my dream, my obsession to live here. I had been living in London for 2 years, went back to Australia to give it a go and lasted 8 months. I went back to London and then finally my dream turned into reality as I made the move to Rome.

Why was I obsessed with Italy? I can't explain why I had to live in this country, I had this internal tug pulling me to the place. Many readers and fellow bloggers I think will understand. Maybe my subconscious knew that bel marito was waiting. I met him 6 months after moving here and we have been together ever since, now married with a beautiful bel bambino.

I experienced the best of Italy. I have travelled the country far and wide, big cities, small hidden villages, through the mountains and the sea and back. I have lived in Rome, wow, Rome the eternal city, to think that I lived there and properly lived there for a long time.

But that's just the problem. When you live in a place, and I mean really live in a place you see and experience it in a different way. Working for the British travel company I was ignorant. We got paid in sterling into my British bank account, our apartments in the centre of these cities, these towns were paid for. At the beginning I was never in need of a doctor or a hospital, I had never set foot into a public school, never worked with an Italian company, never knew that corruption, scandal and out right lies was the way of the Italian world.

Bel marito opened my eyes to a lot of things and when we met he was all in favour of moving to Australia. It was I who had the dream of Italy, I who wanted to live the Italian life, I who wanted to stay. So we stayed, we worked, we travelled, we got married, we had a baby and now I think of what he wanted all those years ago.

Ever since bel bambino came into my life it is hard to be positive here in Italy. I am happy, I really enjoy my new job but that's not enough. Bel marito has been out of work for sometime. His company had not paid him for months and months (which is not uncommon here) and when they finally, slowly started to pay, they closed down. They tried to move him to a different area with pay so poor and a job he hated that we both agreed he shouldn't go. Italians live a fearful life. Many here in the south have poorly paid jobs that they hate, but they are too scared to leave. They know that there is next to no work out there. Employers play on this fear and give low wages, make you work cash in hand, or give you pointless contracts. I don't like this at all. I come from a country where if you want to work you can work, where getting paid on time is not a bonus but the norm. At job interviews here they say 'and we pay on time too.' This should not be a selling point it should be the way!

Here in the south (I don't know about the north as I have only ever lived in the south) finding work depends on who you know. If you don't know anyone important or influential then your chances of finding a good job are scarce. Bel marito knows people but he doesn't want to rely on them to find him a job. What happens if they find him a job he hates? He will be obliged to stay there won't he? Rather he stays at home and looks after the bel bambino. He is the best husband and the best father in the world.

We can't go on like this. Alone, without a bel bambino if you're not sick and have an ok job then life can be great. It was for us before. But with a baby, with the need to go to the doctor and the hospital often,with a view towards the future....well....

When bel marito and I talked about our future we could never envision it. We started renovating the country house but our future plans were grey. You know when you can see your future clearly planned out, or at least what you think your future will be? Maybe you think 1, 2, 10 years ahead and imagine where you will be. We tried doing that, but over and over again bel marito used to say he could not see which way our future would go. We were trying to live the Italian life but the vision just wasn't clear.

After reading this and my last posts I think you know that our vision has cleared, it is no longer grey but a bright white of possibility. Yes, in answer to your questions we are hopefully going to go. Back to Australia. A country which can give bel bambino endless possibilities. And us too.

It is going to be a long and hard road to get there. We need to apply for a partner visa for bel marito to migrate. We need proof of our relationship, finances, life together and a lot of proof which I hope after digging around we have. We haven't applied yet as the application is big, we are still in the hunting and gathering stage. But at least the vision finally is clear.

I thought I would be sad at the prospect of leaving my beloved Italy but I'm not. I want to leave this country with beautiful memories and I fear that if I stay too much longer my memories will not be so sweet.