Another Italian hospital

Italy is a topsy turvy place to live. Let me start by saying that if you are ever going to get sick in Calabria or get hit by a range rover when you are 35 weeks pregnant then you want to be near Catanzaro NOT Cosenza. You want to be near Germaneto and their university hospital to be precise.

We went there 2 weeks ago and from the start something was not quite right. We drove about 50 minutes south of here to the Germaneto university hospital in Catanzaro for bel bambino's appointment. He had been a patient here for 5 days in between being a patient in Cosenza. The hospital is rather new and bel bambino was sent there because they have the speciality unit which could look after his fractured jaw. Before this hospital opened the closest hospital with this unit was in Bari, Puglia so thankfully bel marito and bel bambino did not have to go that far to be looked after.

As we arrived I thought bel marito must have taken a wrong turn. We were in front of an exceptionally large, art house looking building full of yellow columns, outdoor emergency iron stairs, big glass windows - not your typical hospital. We walked in and upon looking for our department on the clear wall signage I was shocked my Italian had improved so much that I understood random, complex medical terms. Hang on though, I was reading in English! The signs around the entire hospital were written in Italian, English and Arabic. This hospital was strange. Was it really a hospital? Something was just wrong. I was dying to pee and worried that first I wouldn't be able to find the toilets and then when I did they would be disgusting. I found them with no problem and shock horror they were clean, there was actually a toilet seat (most Italian public toilets don't have toilet seats, even in restaurants it is hard to find a toilet seat,) and there was toilet paper and soap. If you have never been in an Italian public or even private toilet then let me tell you toilet seats, paper and soap (also a functioning hand dryer) are not the norm.

Pleased with the toilet, yet still skeptical about the hospital we set off to find the doctor only to be accosted in the operational lift by an overly friendly man who wanted to help direct us to the correct floor. I didn't know which was stranger - the functioning lift or a helpful hospital employee. When it was our turn to visit the doctor (who greeted bel bambino by name since he is a small celebrity in that hospital) we were ushered into a nice, new looking room and the nurse and student nurse both gushed all over him, and me to be honest (everyone there knows about our accident.)

After a pain free (but not tear free) visit we were hit with dread at the thought of having to get not only a copy of bel bambino's CAT scan but also copies of his hospital files. Bel marito had already made the request and made payment before our visit but dealing with an Italian administration department is never easy. We went up to an office which oddly was smoke free...(It is almost mandatory for staff to smoke in their smoke free environments. When we went to the questura for bella bambina's passport there were cigarette butts on the floor and a man smoking in the corridor.) Upon seeing me walk in with 2 crutches and  bella bambina strapped to me in the baby bjorn two female employees practically started fighting over who could offer me their chair first. On the spot they gave bel marito a copy of the CAT scan  and while we were telling them about the accident they keep giving bel bambino lollies. We had to go downstairs to get the hospital charts but wait - the lady was on the phone calling the admin department making sure the documents were ready and hang on, what was she doing now...she was asking that they be brought upstairs to us!

This is just crazy, I thought.What is going on? It must be a trick. "No, don't worry, we've got to pass the administration office on the way out so we can get the paper work" bel marito said not wanting to put these people out. We got up to leave after having met nearly the entire floor since everyone wanted to see bella bambina. The ladies kept calling out to who ever would listen that there were 2 cute babies in the room and they just had to come and see (half of the people already knew bel bambino.) As we tried to escape, with lollies and squeals of 'how beautiful' being thrown around a woman came and pushed something into our hands...bel bambino's hospital charts which had miraculously been brought upstairs to us.

We left feeling like B grade celebrities and I must say I was more than a little bit jealous that I could not have spent my 17 day hospital stay here. I felt better though when bel marito told me they don't have an orthopaedic ward so I couldn't have come there even if I wanted to.

I hope the rest of the country takes after this hospital!

Passports for babies...in Cosenza

Last week we went to get bella bambina her Italian passport. She isn't Australian yet so needs to have an Italian passport to enter Australia (which reminds me I must get her an Australian tourist visa...) This should be rather straight forward but we all know that nothing runs smoothly here. Italy is a country which embraces change but doesn't like to advise you of these changes.

Bel marito went to the questura to get a passport application the week before but obviously they had run out and obviously they couldn't print one off the internet (their applications are always photocopies so it's easy enough to do.) He diligently went home, printed a form and completed it, payed the fees and off we went with baby in tow to get her passport sorted.

"We need her residency identity card," the female police officer said - she wanted bella bambina's carta d'identita.
"Umm, why?" we asked. "We got our son a passport last December and we didn't need his residency card. Furthermore I got my Italian passport without being a resident. You don't need to be a resident to be a citizen." 
"The law has changed since then. We need her i.d card." 
Bel marito was getting annoyed and said "I printed the application off the internet and there was nothing written anywhere on your website saying we need her i.d card!"
"Ah, really? It seems the website has not been updated."

Luckily we just so happened to be in the process of getting bella bambina an i.d card. Not that she needed one, no one else gets i.d cards for their children, but we thought that since bel bambino had one it would be a nice keep sake for her. Huffing and puffing we went back home. How can they change the law and not even write this on the internet?

2 days later we went back to the police station with documents in hand.
"I need a photo copy of your i.d cards." the male police officer said.
"Oh, I didn't realise you needed a copy, where can we get one?" bel marito asked, thinking they would just photo copy them there and charge us if needs be.
"There is a photo copy place 100 metres down the road." 

Annoyed bel marito went off. We were already angry that we had to waste another morning in Cosenza which was no fault of ours. We had bel bambino and bella bambina in tow and me on crutches is no help at all. While bel marito was off with bel bambino getting copies I completed the paper work.

"Do you want us to include permission that either you or your husband can travel alone with the baby?"
"Yes that would be great. I don't mind if he travels without me and vice versa."
"Ok sign here and when your husband gets back I'll get him to sign too."

This week we went to pick up the passport and of course there was something wrong. Bel marito and I had a look at the passport in the car and it only had his name printed in the section of authorised people to travel with the baby. "Maybe the mother is automatically included to travel with the child and the father needs just his name written," guessed bel marito. "But I have a different surname to you 3 so if anyones name needs to be printed it's the mothers not the fathers."I said (Italian women don't change their name after marriage. I never had intentions to change my name so that suited me fine.) We decided to wait until we got home and checked bel bambino's passport and low and behold he has both our names printed. So now I cannot travel alone with bella bambina, bel marito must always be with me or else it is illegal for me to take her! It is like I am a mother without custody or something. How foolish can they be since it was me who spoke to the police officer and me who first signed the form. Now I cannot even go anywhere alone (not that I have intentions too but that's beside the point.) We are going back to the police station on Wednesday to ask them if they can fix it. If not it's not the end of the world as she will get an Australian passport soon so I can travel with her on that and then if we want to travel in Europe we can use our i.d cards...not that I am going to travel alone but it is the principal or the matter. I will let you know how it goes on Wednesday.

Horrid hospitals

I had just written a long post about my horrific hospital stay but writing and thinking about the hospital made me angry so I cancelled it. Angry because I don't want to remember or think about the incompetent doctors and nurses. Let's just say that after 17 days in hospital I saw my new born daughter a total of 4 times. In order to see her I had to cry, yell and demand that someone call the maternal nurses and request they bring her down. Their excuse was always the same, they were too busy to bring her down. Too busy to let a person who almost died in a near fatal accident see her own flesh and blood. And they weren't busy since friends and family who were able to view bella bambina through the window reported that countless times they saw nurses sitting down watching tv. When they did bring her down the longest visit was 10 minutes the other visits a whole 2 minutes. I asked if I could feed her, no. I asked if she could stay longer, no. I asked basic information about her such as how much she weighed and they didn't know and never bothered to find out this information for me.

I am not saying that the entire public hospital in Cosenza is bad. I had already spent 10 days here when bel bambino was born. It wasn't the best start after they put my on a make shift bed in the gynaecology ward in a room with a pregnant girl who smoked copiously in the bathroom...but after 1 day I was transferred onto the maternity ward which was painted in eye pleasing pastel shades. I was not in the maternity ward this time, I was on the orthopaedic ward which is renowned as the worse ward in the hospital. Sponge baths for bed ridden patients don't exist. If you can't sit up to eat or drink then no one will help cut your food of pass you something. In this hospital (I cannot talk about other Italian hospitals) each patient is meant to have a relative who stays with them 24-7. The relative is meant to clean your body if you have the urge to be clean, the relative has to help you eat, open and close the windows for you, turn on or off your fan (since my room had no air conditioning and bel marito had to bring me a fan from home.) I learnt how to close my drip since no one comes and checks if your drip has finished, no one answers the bell when you call them numerous times. None of the nurses have the ability to clean you properly, none of the doctors answer your questions or can tell you when you are going home. Opps..I'm getting angry again so let's get back to bel bambino.

He was in the intensive care ward until Monday morning, a week after the accident. I had seen him 3 times in 4 days as the nurses there were more understanding and knew that I had to see him as much as he had to see me. He was out of danger and on Monday I said good bye to my 2 men. Bel bambino was being transferred to a hospital in Catanzaro. They were said to have excellent doctors who could asses his double fractured jaw. Bel marito told me that the public hospital was like a hotel. Bel marito had a bathroom in their room (my room had no bathroom) he had air conditioning (I had none) he was given a bed to sleep on and I think he was even fed! Bel bambino was constantly being checked, the nurses and doctors all bought him toys and clothes, even packets of nappies. It was very hard for me to be away from bel marito, bel bambino and bella bambina though. I spent the nights alone much to the anger of the nurses. If bel marito could not be with me then I didn't want his mother or someone else to stay. I wanted to be alone even if that annoyed the nurses since I had to call them to assist me.

The week passed slowly and on Friday bel marito and bel bambino came back to my hospital to have his leg checked out before going home. By now we had been in hospital for 12 days. The doctor checked his leg and then told us that bel bambino couldn't go home and was to be readmitted into hospital! The same doctor who had told us that after the Catanzaro hospital he could go home...The doctor who changes his mind every day. Thankfully, much to the distress of the nasty nurses on the orthopaedic ward, bel bambino was transferred into my room rather then taken to the paediatric ward. The nurses expressed their anger by offering us no assistance what so ever. Bel bambino was picking at  his scabs so I asked the nurses for a bandage or something to cover his thigh and they told us it was our responsibility as his parents to make him not pick his leg. Each time the nurses came in to give me an injection of a new drip he would cry. Naturally he was scared of strange people doing things to his mummy. When time came to change me they made bel marito leave the room. I asked them if bel marito could stay since bel bambino had become attached to his dad and cried when he was out of his sight but they forced him out of the room. Bel bambino was left crying and screaming on his bed all alone since my husband couldn't see me part naked according to them... (After this episode we argued and got him to stay in the room from then on.) Bel bambino never had his wounds treated, was rarely checked by the doctor, was never given attention or consideration. Nothing.

The anger is coming back so let me stop now, I won't pain you with the intimate details of my experience. At least now I am home, bed ridden with nuts and bolts everywhere...oh but that is just going to move me onto the next chapter! Public home help. Stay tuned.

I remember being awake on the Wednesday after the accident, so no fragments of Tuesday exist for me.     I had been put into an induced coma for the day. I had severely fractured both hips and my right femur. I had traumatic brain injury and fractured ribs, a hematoma in my right ear and a few other things. I didn't know any of this for a while. Maybe I'd been told and didn't understand, maybe I understood and forgot or maybe...I don't know. I don't know a lot.

I was in the intensive care unit and bel marito said when he saw me I was awake and I thought that he was a doctor. I don't remember. I wasn't allowed to see bella bambina because I was under intensive care and no one was allowed to enter except my husband. I wasn't allowed to see bel bambino but bel marito told me he was fine.

It wasn't until I was transferred out of intensive care on Thursday and transferred onto the orthopaedic ward that I was told a little of the truth. I started to cry when the truth came out. I thought that bel bambino was fine and over in the paediatric ward. This had kept me going throughout my days in intensive care, I was happy that he wasn't suffering like me. The truth when it came hit me hard. Bel bambino had not and still was not in the paediatric ward, he had been and still was in the room opposite mine in intensive care unit. He had been put into an induced coma from Monday evening until Thursday afternoon after suffering traumatic brain injury, a double fractured jaw, a broken femur amongst many other things. I couldn't stop the tears when I found out that he had been so close to me and no one had told me. Bel marito admitted that as difficult as it was, he had been sworn to secrecy. The doctor's needed me to be calm and thought it was best not to know how grave the situation was. Finally on Thursday afternoon when I was taken to the horrible orthopaedic ward they wheeled bel bambino into my room for a brief visit. He was so small and frail on the adult bed, he had a feeding tube in his nose, bandages on his arm, massive bolt thing on his leg and his face was covered in grazes. He smiled and cried when he saw me but was still under medication so didn't make any sound. At least I was able to hold his hand and sing him a song for the few minutes that he was with me. As hard as it was to see him so sick and injured at least I was able to see him alive.

Bel marito spent as much time as possible with bel bambino down in the intensive care ward but it was difficult as he was normally put to sleep. At night time bel marito returned to my room where he slept on the chair. Well sleep was near impossible for us both what with all that had happened. But you're probably wondering what happened to bella bambina during all of this? We are thankful everyday that I was not hit or didn't fall onto my stomach during the accident. Bella bambina was born at 8.30pm on Monday 20th August at 35 weeks weighing 2.2kg. She was not injured at all and obviously was put into an incubator under constant observation, but she was fine.

She was beautiful, or so I was told. You can imagine the anger I felt when I had visitors who had seen bella bambina (through the glass) when I had not yet seen my own baby. This will be the beginning of my story taking a turn to talk about the horrible hospital in which I spent a terrible 17 days.

The accident

My memories from the accident are scattered. I remember strange things that maybe didn't happen. I can't remember who went to hospital first but I know what happened after being told. Bel marito, upon seeing our son still and motionless called out to a friend and the tractor driver to rush him to the nearest hospital. There was no time to wait. He wasn't breathing.

These two men are our heroes. They literally saved bel bambino's life. While driving to the hospital which was about 15 minutes away blood started to form in bel bambino's little mouth. The tractor driver who normally faints at the sight of blood pulled out a hanky from his pocket and with care pulled globs of blood from his mouth, allowing him to breathe again.

They arrived at the hospital and jumped out of the car to be told that the emergency department was no longer operating and that they could do nothing to help the bel bambino. The tractor driver started yelling, telling them that he was going to die and they had to do something. They wouldn't. He called the emergency services who told him that they had sent a helicopter to Malito which had just landed and they would send it immediately to the hospital to collect bel bambino.

While this was happening I was lying on the road waiting for the ambulance to come. I didn't know bel bambino had been taken away. I remember, above all, the pain from my ribs. I was crying or screaming  and recall a man with glasses standing by me telling people not to touch me. This may be all in my imagination as I am sure this man was a doctor...but he wasn't from the village so perhaps he was just a passing driver trying to help or maybe he was never there and I imagined this doctor standing by me. I don't remember where bel marito was either although he was close by. The ambulance came and I went to the hospital all alone since here bel marito was not allowed into the ambulance. I learnt many days later that bel bambino had gone in the helicopter alone too since again no one is allowed to accompany the patient.

The ambulance was a rather quick, bumpy and painful journey. I remember they were trying to cut my bra and I got angry telling them just to take it off without cutting it which they easily did. The cut my dress but I didn't care. Bel marito was behind the ambulance with a friend and upon arriving learnt that the helicopter hadn't yet landed. Thankfully a good friend of mine had already made it to the hospital and she held my hand and came with me as I was raced up to the maternity emergency room. She knew the gynaecologist on duty so was granted permission to enter into the room with me. Thank god! The gynaecologist even spoke English and was asking me all sorts of questions but I couldn't answer. All I kept saying was that I felt an incredible pain in my ribs and side and all I wanted to do was sleep. Thankfully my friend knew everything about my current and previous pregnancy so she was able to promptly answer all the questions, while holding my hand and telling me not to fall asleep.

I was terribly confused when the doctor asked me to sign the paper work for an immediate C-section. I don't want to give birth now, I told him. I have a C-section booked for the 14th of September, I said. It had never occurred to me that I would give birth at that moment. I want to wait for the baby, I said. I want my husband, I cried. Bel marito shortly arrived since by this stage bel bambino had arrived and had been rushed into the intensive care unit. He kissed me, reassured me and told me that I had to have the C-section, that it would be ok. I signed the paperwork and the last memory I have is being alone with the doctors and nursing staff in the operating theatre and me asking for the doctor to please check my ribs and side which were painful. He was smiling kindly at me saying just to breathe and that soon I would be asleep.

Almost gone

It was a very hot Monday afternoon on the 20th of August. Bel marito, bel bambino and I were going for a stroll in Malito. I was 35 weeks pregnant with the bella bambina and we decided rather then taking the route home we would continue the walk a little longer. In Malito there is a section of the road which has road works. They have been there for years and the once two way road becomes one way for a little tiny fraction. It is common sense to be one way as you can see there is no way for two cars.

We were walking and when we reached the road works we stopped to wave to the passing tractor. Bel bambino loves tractors and we were happily waving away. From the other direction I saw the Range Rover. We knew the driver. He was old and should't have been driving. He could hardly walk let alone drive. I think I called out to bel marito...I woke up screaming on the floor with a motionless bel bambino beside me. We had been hit, not sure how high or far we flew but not only were we hit by a SUV, we were thrown back onto thick iron fencing and gravel.

Thankfully I don't remember much else. This is a long story which I will tell you a little each day. It is hard to write, not emotionally but physically. If you read Italian here is one of many newspaper articles which is not quite accurate but much more accurate then a lot I have read.

Bilingual babies

I can't exactly say that bel bambino is bilingual since he doesn't speak yet, but I hope and I think that he will. I read a little into raising bilingual children but basically we are just doing what comes naturally. I speak to bel bambino only in English and bel marito speaks to him only in Italian. When we are together I speak mostly to bel marito in Italian but if I have to address bel bambino it's always in English. If the 3 of us are having dinner then I often speak to both of them in English (since bel marito already spoke English long before he met me) and bel marito speaks to both of us in Italian.

Sound confusing? Most people here are very positive about me speaking English to bel bambino. I speak to him in English in front of other people and if I am not directing my comment at them then I don't bother to translate. My in-laws are used to me babbling away in English. Sometimes they will ask me what I am saying but most of the time they don't. They have even picked up a few words of English themselves and like saying "bye bye" and "good night" they understand and sometimes say "milk" and I am sure there are other phrases that I regularly use that they get the gist of.

We were out at the park today and bel bambino's little friend who is 2 was waiting for his turn on the slide. "Go go" he called out and I started to laugh since this is what I call out to bel bambino to get him to go down the slide and his little friend, without me knowing, has learnt and now repeats this phrase! It was priceless to hear.

Some people are worried about us confusing bel bambino with our dual language system and I've only come across 1 person, a young person mind you who has told me that she thinks it is silly that I am teaching him English and that I should be teaching him the local dialect! I can't even speak dialect! But she's never left the village, never even taken her children to the beach which is only a 25 minute drive away so I don't pay much heed to her comments.

I have read that perhaps bel bambino will be a late speaker, only time will tell but we are in no rush. The important thing for us is that we know he understands both of us. When I say "where is your water?" bel bambino goes and gets his water. When bel marito says the same thing in Italian, he goes and gets his water. When we ask him in either language to play some music he goes and presses keys on his keyboard. So as far as we are concerned he is well on his way to becoming bilingual.

And he does speak. He says 3 words  (that we understand, the rest is non-stop baby babble which maybe are words that just aren't so clear yet.) Can you guess what they are? Ok, no guesses for the first word which was mamma, or ma ma ma as he calls me, slowly but surely I am often getting 2 syllable now. His second word was papa' which I think is normal since P is a little harder to pronounce then M. And his third word. It's banana! How funny. He actually says anana without the B but we assume this was his first word for 2 reasons. The first being that banana is the only word that we use which is the same in both our languages, and the second being that he is half monkey who eats bananas like you can't imagine. If I try to slip a banana into my bag and he sees it he screams ANANA and won't stop until you give it to him to eat!

Now we are waiting for the next word...in which language will it be. Logically I would say it will be milk or water but my money is on either button or shoe. Yes, odd but then again is there another baby out there who said banana as his first non-mamma and non-dadda/papa' word?

And then there were 4.

I'm still here...the new year has been a busy one already. Since last writing we have gone and come back from a summer holiday in Australia. Bel marito's permanent Australian visa has been accepted. Bel bambino turned one and finally got his first tooth. And me, well...let's just say the new year started with another bel bambino making his way into my tummy!

So yes, it's been a busy year so far. We are still here in Malito, in Italy and will be most probably until November. Baby is due in September so one we get its citizenship sorted off we will migrate to Australia. Until then I will try and write. I have so much so say but just no time. Everything is still driving me crazy, the weather, my job, to cost of petrol, the unpleasant hospital staff, the chaos and the way that things jus don't work here. So yes, ideas for many a post!

The road to good-bye.

I moved to Italy in April 2006. It had been my dream, my obsession to live here. I had been living in London for 2 years, went back to Australia to give it a go and lasted 8 months. I went back to London and then finally my dream turned into reality as I made the move to Rome.

Why was I obsessed with Italy? I can't explain why I had to live in this country, I had this internal tug pulling me to the place. Many readers and fellow bloggers I think will understand. Maybe my subconscious knew that bel marito was waiting. I met him 6 months after moving here and we have been together ever since, now married with a beautiful bel bambino.

I experienced the best of Italy. I have travelled the country far and wide, big cities, small hidden villages, through the mountains and the sea and back. I have lived in Rome, wow, Rome the eternal city, to think that I lived there and properly lived there for a long time.

But that's just the problem. When you live in a place, and I mean really live in a place you see and experience it in a different way. Working for the British travel company I was ignorant. We got paid in sterling into my British bank account, our apartments in the centre of these cities, these towns were paid for. At the beginning I was never in need of a doctor or a hospital, I had never set foot into a public school, never worked with an Italian company, never knew that corruption, scandal and out right lies was the way of the Italian world.

Bel marito opened my eyes to a lot of things and when we met he was all in favour of moving to Australia. It was I who had the dream of Italy, I who wanted to live the Italian life, I who wanted to stay. So we stayed, we worked, we travelled, we got married, we had a baby and now I think of what he wanted all those years ago.

Ever since bel bambino came into my life it is hard to be positive here in Italy. I am happy, I really enjoy my new job but that's not enough. Bel marito has been out of work for sometime. His company had not paid him for months and months (which is not uncommon here) and when they finally, slowly started to pay, they closed down. They tried to move him to a different area with pay so poor and a job he hated that we both agreed he shouldn't go. Italians live a fearful life. Many here in the south have poorly paid jobs that they hate, but they are too scared to leave. They know that there is next to no work out there. Employers play on this fear and give low wages, make you work cash in hand, or give you pointless contracts. I don't like this at all. I come from a country where if you want to work you can work, where getting paid on time is not a bonus but the norm. At job interviews here they say 'and we pay on time too.' This should not be a selling point it should be the way!

Here in the south (I don't know about the north as I have only ever lived in the south) finding work depends on who you know. If you don't know anyone important or influential then your chances of finding a good job are scarce. Bel marito knows people but he doesn't want to rely on them to find him a job. What happens if they find him a job he hates? He will be obliged to stay there won't he? Rather he stays at home and looks after the bel bambino. He is the best husband and the best father in the world.

We can't go on like this. Alone, without a bel bambino if you're not sick and have an ok job then life can be great. It was for us before. But with a baby, with the need to go to the doctor and the hospital often,with a view towards the future....well....

When bel marito and I talked about our future we could never envision it. We started renovating the country house but our future plans were grey. You know when you can see your future clearly planned out, or at least what you think your future will be? Maybe you think 1, 2, 10 years ahead and imagine where you will be. We tried doing that, but over and over again bel marito used to say he could not see which way our future would go. We were trying to live the Italian life but the vision just wasn't clear.

After reading this and my last posts I think you know that our vision has cleared, it is no longer grey but a bright white of possibility. Yes, in answer to your questions we are hopefully going to go. Back to Australia. A country which can give bel bambino endless possibilities. And us too.

It is going to be a long and hard road to get there. We need to apply for a partner visa for bel marito to migrate. We need proof of our relationship, finances, life together and a lot of proof which I hope after digging around we have. We haven't applied yet as the application is big, we are still in the hunting and gathering stage. But at least the vision finally is clear.

I thought I would be sad at the prospect of leaving my beloved Italy but I'm not. I want to leave this country with beautiful memories and I fear that if I stay too much longer my memories will not be so sweet.

You may recall that I was knitting bel bambino a jumper.

Well here is the finished product.

Back to work

Having a baby certainly keeps you busy, but having a baby and working keeps you extra busy. I'm just starting to realise this. When bel bambino was three weeks old, I decided to print off a few CVs and drive around Cosenza to leave them at some schools. I only ended up leaving my CV with two schools and I wasn't actually expecting or planning to start work, let alone a new job so soon but when it comes to me finding work in an area where the unemployment rate is ridiculously high, I seem to have luck always on my side.

The day after leaving my CV I got a call from one of the biggest private schools in Cosenza, and when bel bambino was 5 weeks old I started working again. It is very hard to leave him, especially since he is so small, he is now still only 10 weeks old, but having a family, having a little person dependent on you means that one has to make sacrifices, and it is a big sacrifice for me to go to work, leaving him to be looked after by different people, but in a place where work is hard to come by I would have been a fool to say no.

Bel fidanzato is a big help. I always knew he was special, but I am now just beginning to realise that he is quite a rarity in these parts. When I tell people that he changes nappies, when he's not working and I am he looks after the baby, he gets up in the nights for his share of the feeds, he cooks and cleans and does his share, ok well a little more then his share of everything. When I tell people this they always say, 'ah, well he's a foreigner it's normal,' when I tell them that no, he is actually Italian they get the shock of their lives!

Baby superstitions

I feel as though I live on a live movie set sometimes. The things people do and say are often so funny, so stereotypical that it's hard to believe it's actually true. Since the birth of bel bambino we have had a steady flow of visitors. Those that don't come to the house to officially visit stop us in the streets when we are out and about going for a walk when the weather permits. (Yes, I know, shock horror that I can take a new born baby outside so soon, and in the middle of winter too!)

When people aren't asking me if I breastfeed, they are pointing their fingers inches away from bel bambino's face as they say "benadica!" which means bless. The pointing of the fingers comes when they utter a compliment or two, since he is after all the most beautiful baby in the world. Now I am not talking about any old finger pointing here. I am talking about this finger pointing:

This finger pointing is le corna which translates as the horn. It is a sign to ward off the malocchio, the evil eye since giving a compliment to a person can cause them harm. If people don't want to point their fingers inches from the babies face, then one passer by said "che brutto!" with a smile on her face as she looked into bel bambino's angelic face. Now, I am assuming she didn't really mean that bel bambino was ugly, but she didn't want to compliment him cause of this evil eye thing....or maybe she was just a rude old person who thought he was nothing special...but no...I am sure it was not that!

Another tradition is that some people have given us gifts of coffee (a bag of coffee beans, or ground coffee in a pack.) I have no idea why, and have asked bel fidanzato and his mother, but neither of them know why people give a gift of coffee. It's a useful gift however as one can only have so many baby clothes.

Living in a small village is rather comical at times!

Do you breastfeed?

Italians are very open, sometimes so much so that if you are not used to it, you will find them offensive or intrusive. Ever since having the baby people ask me if I am breastfeeding. I am no prude, but I think this is a rather personal, private thing. Furthermore when I say people have been asking me, I mean everyone has literally asked me - men as well as women, people who I don't even know, people I have never even met! Not one visitor has passed who has not asked me this question. People phone day and night to enquire after the baby, and this is a lovely gesture, but when they are people whom I have never, ever met and they ask me this question then it really annoys me.

You can imagine then, that I was getting a little miffed to say the least. My mum and dad flew home this morning, but they also thought it very odd and a little rude that everyone asks me this question. This is my first baby, so I am not sure the way things go in Australia, but I am sure every Tom, Dick and Harry didn't ask my twin if she was breastfeeding.

And for the record, no, I am not breastfeeding. I had just been discharged from the hospital, and after having been inside for 10 days was not feeling the best. We had to buy formula before the chemists all closed for the lunch break. I stopped at a chemist near our village and went inside with my mum. I asked the woman behind the counter, the pharmacist she was, if they had X or Y brand. They had neither she said. I asked her if she had any formula and she said no. I asked when they would be getting formula in, and she said she didn't know, but really I should be breastfeeding.

Excuse me? Did I hear right? Did she honestly just tell me that I should be breastfeeding when I was wanting to buy formula?

I was tired, sore, I had not seen daylight for 10 days, I hadn't washed my hair for even longer, I wanted to go home and I was anxious as I needed formula to feed the baby. So I told this pharmacist fool in a not so polite voice that I had just had a C-section, that
I had no milk so it was physically impossible for me to breastfeed.

Unfortunately I cannot be rude when I reply to bel fidanzato's friends and family. It is only the old people that ask me, friends our age have not asked, but the old people....well there's no holding back with them. They don't listen either. When I tell them that I have no milk, they still like to tell me that really though, breastfeeding is best. Are you deaf - I feel like yelling, but I don't. Why don't you mind your own business? Why are you bothering me? Why don't you go and harass some other tired, new mum with a 15 day old baby. Why don't you go and get a life? I don't yell these things at them, but maybe I should...it would make me feel a lot better!

Our baby boy

This is our little boy when he was about 30 minutes old. It was a strange experience having a C-section...I went into the operating theatre all alone, I was naked since they don't give you a gown or anything to wear, and felt a little self conscious as I was sitting on the bed/operating table waiting to get my epidural. I have never seen such a massive needle in my life and was scared so asked one of the nurses if I could hold her hand. Thankfully she said yes. The nurses tried to calm me down by making small talk which I appreciated.

I felt a little nauseous the table since my head was tilted down a little lower then my body. A cover was placed on my chest and a small curtain up and over my stomach so I couldn't see them hacking into me. Above me however was a large light which clearly let me see the reflection of my open stomach. I made sure not to look up, but rather looked at the nurse who was holding a tube which softly blew cool air onto my face (to help with the nausea.)

The sensation of having doctors pull a baby out of your stomach is a strange one. You can't feel the pain, but you still have feeling. I felt them tug the baby out, and then I looked over to my right as they said "this is your baby" or something along those lines. If memory serves they were holding him by his feet and he was purple. I can't remember if he was crying. I didn't actually feel anything, no emotion as it was a surreal experience. They don't place the baby onto your chest for skin to skin contact, instead they whisked him off into the other room for his check-up and to clothe him.

A few moments later, a screaming little baby was again briefly brought into the room, again on my right hand side and they bent him over me a little so I could give him a quick peck on the cheek. Then he was gone.

Bel fidanzato was waiting for me outside of the delivery rooms and he later told me how the door opened and a nurse came out pushing a crib with a small baby in it. He only realised it was our baby since they had my empty bag in the crib. It was the bag with his change of clothes etc...and if it hadn't been for that then who knows if they would have told bel fidanzato that this baby was his! Normally they call out the father's name, but for some reason this nurse didn't. The baby then was sent to my room to await my arrival. By this stage there were a few members of the family waiting for us, and they eagerly followed the baby into my room while bel fidanzato waited for me to exit.

By the time I got to my room about 20 minutes had passed and I was - not angry - but a little disappointed I guess you could say, disappointed that everyone had seen the baby, touched the baby, kissed the baby - before I had even had a good look at him! I had no idea what he looked like yet all these other people had.

At least he was fine, in good health, a little on the smaller side but perfect in every way. Now that he's home he's already getting little chubby cheeks and is the most beautiful baby in the world!

Baby Update: Monday

I had now been in hospital for 6 nights and was getting impatient. I was sent for at 6:30am for a fetal heart/contraction scan, but still there was nothing. Water was still gushing out of me and the mid wives said they were going to induce me yet again.

This time I'd had enough, I was emotional since after 6 nights I had seen countless women come into hospital with big bellies and then after 2 days leave with a little baby in their arms.

So I said no. No more induction. I want a C-section. The mid wives cannot make these decisions so sent me to wait for the gyno to make his rounds. After what felt like a life time he came and tried to get me to be induced but I said no again, and off he sent me to be prepped for the C-section.

So soon? Bel fidanzato was at home. I had no time to prepare. I went, in tears to the delivery rooms to be prepped and surely they thought I was crazy since they didn't understand why I was crying. The real reason was that I had wanted a natural birth, I wanted bel fidanzato to be by my side, there to cut the umbilical cord...but little baby just didn't want to come.

As I was getting prepped the chief surgeon came in to speak with me, and in my emotional state he some how convinced me to be put on an induction drip which made it my 6th attempt at a relatively natural birth. I stupidly said yes, thinking there was a ray of hope. Italy used to have a reputation as one of the countries with the highest rate of C-sections in the world. After a bit of international flack they have (thankfully) changed and realise perhaps that a C-section is not a walk in the park, but a major operation. Now the doctors go out of their way to get you not to have one.

I was still crying as the tubes were put in my arm, and finally bel fidanzato arrived. Men are not allowed in the delivery rooms until labour is under way, but they let him in - I think just to calm me down! Once I was calm he went back outside. I was sitting on the drip for about 2 hours and still no labour, no nothing, so I called in the midwife, told her to turn the machine off, the drip off and take me for a C-section. I had already been prepped for it.

Once more bel fidanzato was called in to kiss me goodbye. In Italy no one can enter the operation theatre. In Australia the husband is allowed to enter, but here I was to be left all on my own. My first operation, and it had to be all in Italian!

The nurses were lovely, I told them I was nervous that I wouldn't understand what they were saying, I told them I had never had an operation before....and I'll save you all the gory details but finally, at 13:30 on Monday 24th January a little, purple, 2.880kg baby was pulled from my stomach and alas, bel fidanzato and I became a family of 3.

Baby Update: Sunday

I woke up Sunday morning feeling nice and relaxed...hang on a minute - nice and relaxed? What's going on, I thought. Where were my contractions? Alas....they had once again gone. Water was still gushing out of me but after going for a fetal heart/contraction scan we saw that the contractions had 100% gone.

I was a little upset as the day before I was sure Sunday was going to be our day. I was not allowed to be induced again that day since they normally wait 24 hours after waters breaking to see if labour can come naturally.

Well on Sunday it never came back.

Baby Update: Saturday

It was bliss waking up to an empty room. Ok, not 100% bliss since the blood testing vigilants come and wake me at 6:00am with their syringes, searching for yet another vain but it was bliss not hearing the cry of other peoples babies.

The day started well. I was visited and then sent once more to the delivery rooms for my next dose of stimulation. This was to be our day, or so bel fidanzato and I tried to tell the baby. Bel fidanzato visits me when he can, by that I mean that here they have odd visiting rules. It is common, if not practically expected for a pregnant woman to be accompanied by a female - a mother or sister normally. This female brings with them a beach chair of sorts, something comfy that they can sleep on. They are then by the pregnant persons side from morning to night, with the exception of 2 hours that they are forced to leave during the doctors rounds. This female is meant to help with the new born, cater to the pregnant persons needs, keep her company, help her wash, what ever. I have no female with me, as for the moment especially I don't need any assistance, but honestly I think I am the only person on the ward without a female chaperon!

The visiting hours are technically 13:00-15:00 then 18:30-19:30, but this being Italy means that this is just a guide. It really depends on which nurses are on duty, who you know and if you manage to sneak through the doors. Normally if women are strolling around outside of visiting hours there are no problems. Often if it is a man then he will be asked to leave, or at least not to stay in your room. Being a law abiding citizen, and not wanting to anger the nurses since I practically live at the hospital now, bel fidanzato comes and visits me when he can. Now that they know me since all the other patients are normally in and out in 2 days, they are becoming a little more lenient with my sole male visitor!

So, on this day, Saturday, bel fidanzato and I gave baby a pep talk. convincing him to come. My first dose of stimulation did nothing, so 6 hours later I was back in the delivery rooms for what was now my 5th dose of stimulation. I went back to my room, and was sitting at the little table using the internet (bel fidanzto bought in my lap top since the room was again all mine!) and I was just searching the web at about 9:30pm when I felt this gush from my legs. Had I peed my pants? No, surely not...my waters must be broken!

I scurried to the toilet and sure enough my waters had broken. How did I know? Well if you've never had the pleasure of waters breaking before then let me tell you it is just like a kitchen tap that won't turn off. I was in shock, and buzzed for the nurse, whilst trying to decide how to make it from the bathroom to my wardrobe without wetting the entire floor.

I practically skipped down the corridor to the delivery rooms to tell them my good news. I was hooked up to the monitors, given an internal check, and didn't need to be told that I had constant slightly strong contractions since I could feel them!

That night I went to bed in a little bit of happy pain.

Baby update: Friday

I woke up a little happy, and a little sad. Happy since both my rooms mates were being discharged so I'd finally have the room to myself. Sad since my contractions had disappeared completely and I was back to the drawing board. Friday was what they called my day of rest (a.k.a no stimulation) but in reality it was the day that I really began getting monitored just a little too much! It's my own fault really, on Tuesday I complained I was ignored, by Friday I was getting harassed.

The doctor once more did his rounds and called me into the visiting rooms for an ultrasound to check babies size, liquid levels etc... Just as I was about to leave the room the chief doctor entered and the normal doctor started to fill him in on my situation. When the word diabetes was mentioned this chief wanted to know why no one had been monitoring my glucose levels. He was quite shocked and ordered at once that the diabetes specialist be sent down to give me a check up. I didn't really think it was necessary, I just wanted to be stimulated again and get the baby on its way out, but no - it was my day of rest so that was out of the question.

From that morning on I have had no peace. The diabetes specialist came for a visit, then I was handed a giant, empty container which I had to pee in for the next 24 hours, I had to give more vials of my blood and urine for testing. I was told that from then on my blood would be taken at 6:00, 12:00 and 18:00 every day, 3 time a day my glucose levels would be tested, my blood pressure was to me measured 2-3 times a day on top of my frequent fetal heart/contraction scans.

I went to bed that night with bruises over my arms from the continuous blood tests, but with peace and quiet now that the room was finally my own. I was woken once, in what I thought was a dream by an over eager nurse coming to take my blood pressure at midnight, but that was just a distant memory as I drifted back into an uninterrupted sleep.

Baby update: Thursday

On Tuesday I was ignored at the hospital, by Thursday I was not left alone. My stimulation the night before did nothing, and by nothing I mean really absolutely nothing. Thursday morning I woke up nice and early thanks to the cleaners, had my breakfast and then was called into the visiting rooms.

There were 6 of us lined up, waiting for the doctor to call our names and tell us what treatment lay ahead for us. We were all going to be stimulated again, another girl like me had problems and they wanted the baby to be born soon, and the others were all over 40 weeks pregnant.

I was the second on the list - not bad at all since they prioritise us case by case (or not good since they think I have problems more serious then the other 5 people.) I was sent once again to the delivery rooms for another fetal heart/contraction scan and then was induced with a gel. This gel is only effective for 6 hours, so after re-visiting for a scan every 2 hours, I went back after 6 hours to be stimulated for the third time.

The days normally pass quickly at the hospital, that is if you are like me and have scans and the like every 2 hours. That evening I was very excited as finally I felt the first signs that labour was on its way...I had some contractions, very faint and not painful but contractions none the less. That night I went to bed, happily in a little bit of pain that I didn't even bother about the crazy old neo-mother in the other bed.

Baby update: Wednesday

After a relatively peaceful nights sleep I woke up anxiously waiting for the doctor to make his rounds. At about 9:00am he came into the room and I explained my situation. He sent me off to the delivery rooms to have another fetal heart and contraction scan, then told me to come and find him later for a visit.

An hour or so later I was back with my scans in hand. I asked a nurse if I could see the doctor and she just took my scan and went into his visiting room leaving me outside. A moment later she returned and told me to go to bed and wait for an update.

So I went to bed and waited about 15 minutes, then went back and asked the same nurse how long exactly did I have to wait in bed. She, being not the most communicative of nurses, told me that she didn't know how long I had to wait, but I just had to wait.

So I went to bed and waited, but then I started getting angry and impatient as it was practically midday and still no one was paying me any attention. I am not an attention seeker, but I thought they told me that I had to urgently check in to hospital! I marched back up to the nurses station and thankfully there was another nurse who was shocked that I as still waiting to hear from the doctor. She went into his visiting room, came back one moment later and escorted me to the delivery rooms. From that moment on everything changed. The head of the maternity ward came in to see me and said that they were arranging for me to transfer beds straight away, a gynecologist pulled me into his office and told me they wanted to stimulate/induce me in a few minutes. My file was finally looked at and at last I was getting the treatment I had been expecting. The maternity ward of the Cosenza public hospital has a good reputation, and now I was beginning to see why.

I was moved into a triple room with pink walls, a lilac bathroom door, a mint green bathroom and mint green baby room. The world's oldest and surely most annoying mother was one of my room mates, and I had run-ins with her and her crazy family, but she is gone now so I will not waste my time talking about her...it makes me angry just thinking of her! (Basically she had a fever, or so she claimed and would not let me open the window. They blast the heating in the hospital and I was sweating to death, in the end the 2nd room mate went and got a nurse who had to force her to open the window.)

Once settled into my room, I was whisked off to the delivery suits yet again and stimulated for what would be the first of many times. I had to wait 12 hours to see if anything happened, and having a cheeky little baby in my tummy meant that of course nothing happened!

I spent a hot and sweaty night sleeping in my pastel coloured room, since the old neo-mother had her anciently old mother spending the night with her, and she kept shutting the windows, and I had no energy left to fight.