Stupid tourist comment(s) of the day...

Yesterday something must have been in the air as I had SO many stupid, complaining customers.

1) Customers in Ravello for their wedding called me to complain they were not happy with their hotel. They had booked a sea view balcony twin room and one of their issues was they did not get the view that they paid for.
"Do you have a front view of the sea?"
"Yes but if we look down we can see a roof."







2) Customers had just got married in Sorrento, and now had moved to Positano for their honeymoon. They had booked and paid for a standard twin room which means it is the lowest of the range. They were not happy as the room was small, and they had not been able to sleep all night. Not because they had been 'enjoying the honeymoon' if you know what I mean...it was because the room was so small that there was hardly enough room to fit the cot. Oh. Did I forget to mention they had bought the baby along with them on honeymoon. Perhaps they should have thought about leaving the baby with the grandparents who had stayed behind in Sorrento. Or perhaps they should just pay for a bigger room. Or perhaps they should just not have bothered getting married in Italy at all!!!




3) An elderly customer checked into a 4 star hotel in Sorrento. He has been coming to Sorrento for the past 15 years and always stays at the same hotel. He rang me angry as he had asked for a specific room and did not get it. The rather rude, elderly man said that he could not be on the 1st floor which was where the hotel had allocated him since he has asthma - and the 1st floor is too humid. He said he specifically asked for the 5th floor at the time of booking.

I checked with the office then called him back.
"I am sorry, but we have no records of your being asthmatic on the system."
"Well why should I share my medical conditions with you?"

AHHHH.....If you want a stupid room on the stupid 5th floor because of your stupid asthma then...I don't know - maybe, just maybe it would help if you TOLD US THIS BEFOREHAND you stupid old fool.






4) This one has got to be the icing on the cake.

I had a young woman call me from a 5 star luxury hotel on the island of Capri, the terribly expensive, and terribly posh Island of Capri that is. She was not happy with the hotel and wanted to know if she could change. I was a little shocked as this is one of the best hotels on the island.

"So what exactly is it about the hotel you don't like?"
"Well, you see we just got married at the X hotel in Sorrento which was much better then this hotel."
The X hotel is a nice, but nothing special 4 star hotel in Sorrento. "Oh, ok then. What exactly though do you not like with this hotel?"
"Well, to tell you the truth as soon as I walked into hotel X I thought 'WOW!' As soon as I walked into this hotel there was no 'wow.' This hotel has no wow-factor..."

NO WOW FACTOR...what the...and I kid you not - those where her words...she did not like the 5 star luxury hotel in Capri since it had no wow-factor.

Some foolish and not so foolish questions on Italy.

Question and answer time again! Jewel has a few questions as she is planning a trip to Italy next year! This time she has asked me if you can get by in Italy with knowing only a small amount of the language.

The answer is yes. You can get by in Italy without knowing Italian. Of course it does help you to learn a few key phrases, and you'll find when you use them, (or when you get them wrong) people will be so endeared that you tried! I travelled alone in Italy for 4 weeks and at this stage I only knew the basic phrases. I somehow managed to get from the north of Italy up by the Lakes, all the way down to Calabria, detouring through Rimini, Perugia and Puglia...so if I can do it anyone can do it!

Truthfully a lot of Italians speak English, especially in the larger touristy towns. If you find yourself in a small isolated town, and no one can understand your bad Italian or sign language then I bet you anything that the town folk will run off, hunt down an English speaker and bring them to you... Really, they would! If you plan on getting off the beaten track and discovering places like Calabria, Basilicata etc... then a small Italian phrase book would come in useful but in other parts of Italy you can get by on English alone.

Some other questions courtesy of my customers:

Do Italians only eat piazza and pasta? People ALWAYS ask me this...always. The answer is "no you ignorant fools. NO! Do British people just drink beer all the time...NO! Let me make this easy for you, have you never heard of Jamie Oliver? He's British, like you. He did that great special on Italy, and even published that beautiful Italian cook book...so instead of asking me such brain dead, feeble questions go and do a bit of research, go and look at a menu at a restaurant...or if you cannot be bothered go and drink a beer and leave me alone." (if only I could answer like that.)

Italians eat so much garlic why do they not smell? A young customer who went to the emergency room here in Rome asked me this. Seems he has a garlic allergy and due to the amount of garlic in his garlic mushrooms he took a turn for the worse. (Yes - I know...why order garlic mushrooms if you cannot stomach garlic?) I had no answer to this question. I could tell him we eat lots of garlic to ward off vampires...but in the end I just sort of laughed his question off. I do that a lot of the time, as some of the questions my guests ask me a ridiculous.

Can I do a day trip to Sicily from Rome? It seems that most people do not even look at a map before coming on holiday. When I lived in Sicily people always were shocked when I told them it would take about 4 hours to drive from Taormina to Palermo. They thought Sicily was like a small Greek Island. Here in Rome it is even worse as they do not even realise that Sicily is the island, right down below Calabria. I tell them that a day trip technically is possible, but that had best book a flight as the train will taken them about half a day to get there. If I have a map of Italy to hand I get them to look so 1) they can see how silly their question was 2) they can see that Sicily is an island...and not really a 'day trip' from Rome. (People also often ask about trips to Venice...)


Any more questoins that anyone has?

Italy question time again.

Question and answer time again!

Jewel want so know 'what are the working hours like in Rome?'

Working hours in Rome depend what type of employment you have. Most shops here tend to open at 10:00am and close at 8:00pm. These days very few shops in the centre of Rome close for the lunch time. Some of the smaller, family run shops will close for a few hours, as do a lot of the smaller shops outside of the city walls, but most in the centre will remain open.

Office hours in Rome differ from company to company, but they tend not to be too different from the UK or Australia. Most people head into work from about 8.30am and leave anywhere from 5pm onwards.

When I worked in Taormina last year nearly everything closes for the lunch period with only a chemist, restaurants and tourist shops being open from 13:00 - 16:00 (well these hours were very flexible. Some people used to close and never open again, some would shut at 12:00 and open again at 18:00 - it was anything goes in Taormina.)



Jewel has also asked 'Apart from pick pockets, is it safe for a girl to travel on her own there or go out at night?'

This is a good question and the answer is YES. Rome is a safe city as long as you use common sense. Italy in fact is a very safe place for solo travellers. I travelled for the first time by myself for 4 weeks in Italy a few years ago. I had friends with me for the first two weeks but for the last 4 weeks I travelled around all on my own and felt very safe.



No one else has asked any specific questions so I will answer questions that my guests all ask me. Some may seem rather foolish, but they are sadly commonly asked questions.

Do Italian women not sweat? This is such a common stupid question! Really...My female customers always tell me that they see flawless looking Italian women walking around in their suits and stiletto's in the peak of summer without shedding as much as a drop of sweat. I will let you in on the secret. These Italian women do not take public transport. The do not walk around the city for hours on end in the midday heat. Most probably they drive to work, or are dropped off at work and the furthest they walk is outside to have a cigarette, or maybe they cross the road to get a coffee.

Why don't Italians speak Spanish? Spain it seems is the preferred holiday destination for the British. Parts of Spain have become a mini Britain, just with better weather. A lot of my guests know a few Spanish words, and like to use them in Italy. They then get shocked or rather offended when the Italians look at them like they are crazy. Bel ragazzo used to get so annoyed in the hotel when English guests would speak to him in Spanish as 1) He does not speak Spanish 2) He speaks fluent English so if you cannot speak to him in Italian, at least address him in the language you both seem to speak 3) Spanish is not the same as Italian. So many guests do not seem to comprehend that Spanish is one language and Italian is another. Yes, they are similar but they are not the same.



Any other questions? If not I have plenty of foolish questions to share with you. Here's a little taste of questions to come, thanks to my silly customers. Do Italians only eat piazza and pasta? Italians eat so much garlic why do they not smell? Can I do a day trip to Sicily from Rome?

Stupid tourist comment of the day

I got a phone call last night from a rather distraught couple who were shocked to see their double bed was actually two twin beds pushed together.

I explained to them, and I will explain to you all reading this as perhaps it is not widely known that normally in Italy the hotels use two twin beds to make up a double. We clearly state this in our brochure (which they obviously did not take the time to read) and it is particularly popular in the older, lower star hotels...but still this method can be found in 5 star hotels too.

When you come to think of it, the idea is a practical one. If the whole hotel is full of twin beds then they can make up twin or double rooms as and when they are requested. If you want a double bed wait two minutes and they can make it up for you. If you wanted twin beds wait another two minutes and they can be pushed apart. It is quite common in Italian houses too. The double beds will often be two beds simply pushed together.

To make the customers feel better I told them that in my home I have two twin beds pushed together (which is not true but it did make them feel better.) Once this bed issue was sorted I was asked a rather bizarre question which I felt had to be included in my Stupid tourist comment of the Day.

Man: Can I ask you what you people do?

Leanne: Sorry? What do you mean.

Well you know, what do you Romans do?

(I am not Roman but there was no need to point this out so I assumed the role.) What do you mean what do we do? In the evening you want to know what we do?

No. No. Have you heard the saying 'When in Rome do as the Romans do.'

Yes

What does it mean? What do you do that is so special?

I honestly thought he was joking, but upon realising he was being very honest, and he sounded quite embarrassed for asking this, I thought I would be nice and explain. Well, it means that when you are here in Rome, or anywhere in the world you have to act like the locals. You've seen us driving. If you hire a car here in Italy you have to drive a little crazy and fast like us. If you want to cross the road, you just have to cross the road and not wait for the cars to stop like the tourists do as that way you will never get across to the other side.

Bless this poor man, he started to laugh and finally understood. Oh! I get it now, so I can drink lots of good wine since you all drink good wine?

Spot on sir, spot on.

Ci vediamo Roma - just for the weekend

My customers are a little crazy at the moment. They are all leaving common sense at home and coming to Rome in a dream like daze.

Yesterday I had a family complain about a hotel. It is always the same old story. They paid £1000 for 4 nights in Sorrento in a nice 4 star hotel with a pool and then they come to Rome and pay £400 for 4 nights in a cheap old 3 star hotel and then get angry at me about the poor quality of hotel. Hello! You paid more then double in Sorrento so of course the hotel in Rome is going to be vile in comparison.

Today I had a young couple call me from Ostia as they wanted me to tell them where they could hire a small boat for a few hours. I know it is my job to know 'everything' about Rome, but come on! Hiring a boat surely is not a spur of the moment decision. You've got to give me more then 10 minutes to find out that kind of information for you.

Then the same couple called back a few hours later to say that their hire car had been broken into and their suitcases, passports, mobile phone and camera had been stolen. They had checked out of the hotel, packed everything in the car - valuables and all - and then drove to Ostia (in search no doubt for a small boat since I could not help them with that query) and they are now flying home tonight with nothing except literally the clothes on their backs.

Another girl was biten by some mosquito and her ankle is the size of a tree trunk, an old man at a 5 star hotel called me to say his wife is upset that the hotel did not wish her happy birthday, we had booked a taxi to take customers to the train station, but rather then wait in reception for the driver they decided to go AWOL and take a last minute walk in Rome, almost causing them to miss the train...oh... the list goes on and on.

And on that note I am leaving Rome tonight. Malito, Calabria here I come (again.)

I have a seat booked on the midnight express from the gypsy encampment...sorry I meant to say Tiburtina. Bel ragazzo has gone down this afternoon and will be there to pick me up when I arrive at about 5:30 tomorrow morning.

Ahhh...bliss. I am actually not going for pleasure, but for medicinal purposes but that is neither here nor there. The doctor does not take all weekend and I am sure he would prescribe a bit of fresh Calabrian air.

Random Rome

Rome was sadly never empty in August, but slowly it is once more beginning to fill with Romans and tourists a like. It seems this past week has been 'tour bus' week as I have never seen more tour groups out and about all at the one time.

Whilst attempting to take a leisurely stroll by the Colosseum on my day off, I was accosted by two elderly gelato eating British women. With ice-cream dripping down their chins and their fleshy skin red and blistered they sort of waved me over with a screech of "Do you speak English?"

I was in a good mood, the road by the Colosseum was closed to traffic and there was a gentle breeze which must have made me forget myself as I told them "Yes! Indeed I do speak English."

"Do you know where we get the bus?"

"What bus?"

"Our tour bus."

"Ummm..what tour bus?"

"The blue something. They dropped of us by a garden and there was a bar on the corner."

I was determined not to lose my good mood, and although I wanted to tell these old women that they had ice cream on their clothes and that they were stupid and not to be let out on the streets of Rome if they could not remember where the bus left them...I decided to let Tour Guide Leanne come out for a moment, as she knew what they were talking about. No one else would have had a clue mind you. It is just that Tour Guide Leanne works with a tour agency and they too drop there customers off at this particular location...so these foolish, gelato eating, sun burnt tourists were in luck.

"You need to go up these stairs and then take the road and you will see all the buses." Tour Guide Leanne said with a wave of her arm as she sprinted off, lest they wanted to ask her something else!

Here are some Random Rome photos I took whilst out and about:

Red hot in Rome

Today was one of those days. I was so tired, so so so hot and just wanted to relax all day long. So of course the opposite happened.

It was hot today in Rome, really, really horribly hot and humid. One of those days when you feel you cannot breathe the humidity is so stifling your lungs cannot operate and there is not even a tiny hint of a breeze. One of those days when you are not sure if it is better to walk all the way home or get an un-airconditioned bus - you are going to sweat like a pig either way. One of those days where the payment literally melts under your feet, you have no energy - not even enough energy to drink...or eat a gelato.

Today my phone was red hot with problem, after problem after problem. First there was the doctor who stayed at a deluxe 4 star hotel in Venice, then came to Rome staying at the cheapest 3 star hotel on offer...She was not happy (obviously) and wanted to move hotel right away which is fine, but she could not understand why this hotel was so different to the one in Venice (ah, hello - you paid double in Venice for a 4 star deluxe so of course a cheap old 3 star is going to be horrible.) Eventually she understood, she paid, she moved and she left me finally in peace.

Peace for 2 seconds until 2 ladies who had just arrived called saying they had to get the first flight home. There was a family emergency. One lady booked a flight and left only hours after she had arrived while the second is still here since I told her she would not be entitled to a refund. So she will still pester me I am sure.

Then while I was dealing with this a honey moon couple called about to cry as their hotel room was not the same as the photo in the brochure. The guy was trying to be all cocky but was really just a clueless young guy who could not understand that he had booked a standard room while the photo in the brochure was of a deluxe which is clearly written next to the photo! He did not want to pay to have an upgrade and was busy calling everyone in the world and taking a thousand photos to prove his point. (Ah...you are on a honey moon! Surely you have better things to do.)

Then there was the customers at the airport without a transfer as my colleague forgot to book it...then there was the missing woman at the train station who was meant to get a transfer to the airport but she had disappeared into thin air, not to mention the couple who wanted to get tickets for a play but were not pleased when I told them the plays are all in Italian... Lasciatemi in pace!

Stupid tourist comment of the day.

I just hung up the phone after speaking with a very stupid couple and thought I had to immediately include this in my list of stupid tourist comments.

This man called, whilst driving as he was lost and wanted to know how to get to Pompeii.

L: Ok, can you tell me where you are?

We don't know where we are.

L: You don't know where you are? I'm sorry but I cannot help you with directions if I don't know where you are. Where have you come from?

We got the car from termini station about 20 minutes ago and have been driving but I think in the wrong direction and we don't know where we are. We cannot see any signs or anything and our map is stupid. Oh hang on...I see a 'Via Fog or something'

L: Rome is like London Sir, with thousands of streets and I don't know which street you are talking about. You need to be heading in the direction of San Giovanni, or for the ring road depending where you are. Can you not ask someone?

Customer is a little angry now. There is no one around. We need to buy a decent map as the map they gave us it stupid. Where can I buy a decent road map from?

L: Well I need to know where you are to say where you can buy a road map from. Basically you need to head for San Giovanni which should be clearly marked on your small Rome map we gave you, or if you are not near that then the ring road.

I'll ask someone where I am. Then will I just see signs for Pompeii?


L: Pompeii is a long way away... It will not be signposted for some time. You need to follow signs for Napoli and then eventually, after a few hours you will come to signs pointing the way for Pompeii.
I am sorry I cannot help you more, but really I need to know where you are in order to help you.

Sounding most put out the customers hung up!

Stupid...stupid....in your own country do you not look at the map and plan the route BEFORE getting on the road? Would you not ask the car rental company to point you in the right direction? Would you...would you....would you rathern not just stay at home and leave me in peace you imbacile!

Change in the wind

My bel ragazzo has not been overly satisfied with his new job. He works at a nice 4 star hotel in the centre of Rome but was getting bored...the customers do not treat you well, the pay is average and the conditions not the best since he always seems to work the afternoon or night shifts. We were at a loss of what to do as Rome is a very expensive place to live (as are most parts of Italy) and at the best of times it can be difficult to find a job - and when you do find one then pretty much one persons wage has to go towards renting some small monolocale and paying your bills. You could never live alone in Rome unless you were earning 5 times the normal wage! I love Italy and had not thought of moving, however if bel ragazzo wanted to try and make a go of it somewhere else then I would follow him.

We found out today that we don't have to go anywhere as my bel ragazzo has got a new job...working with me! Yes, he will be working for my company and his job role is health and safety coordinator for Rome and Florence. He will look after the health and safety side of all our hotels, and although my job does not pay the best - we do get a house and all bills and transport paid for which makes it about the same as a normal wage, plus he gets to still work in the travel/hotel industry but can work for an English company and can learn something totally new! Currently we live with my colleague, but they have to find a new house for bel ragazzo (and me) to live in. He will be going to London on 12th May to do a weeks training course so he can get a health and safety certificate. For this job they only wanted to employ Italians as it is very hard for us 'foreigners' to get inside some parts of hotels to do the necessary checks.

I am soooooo happy! More happy then he is I think :)

P.S I have to add this quick stupid tourist comment which I swear is sadly true. The most stupid guests in the world called me the other day and asked me how much they had to pay to see the Spanish Steps! Really...some people should NOT be allowed to come to Rome.



Here are some pictures from EUR which is close to where we live. EUR stands for Esposizione Universale Roma which was meant to be home of the 1942 International Expo. Mussolini gave orders to have this area built and it is full of modern, interesting buildings and monuments which you do not find in the centre of Rome. The expo never took place in Rome (because of World War 2) but the area still stands and is now the headquarters for lots of main companies. There is a lovely man made lake and park area. If anyone lives in Rome, or comes for a visit and wants to get off the tourist track then go and take a stroll around as it is very pretty.

Ah...so the season has started

It has been some time since I have had a stupid tourist comment of the day, what with working in Portugal and then having some time off in Calabria. Today was my first official stupid tourist comment for 2008 and this is a sure sign that the gates are open and the comments are going to be flowing freely from now on.

This morning I went to one of our beautiful 5 star hotels on the Via Veneto (which is a posh part of Rome, with upmarket hotels, shops, embassies etc...) to met some guests. I was greeted by a really lovely, bubbly, friendly lady in her late 30s and her husband. We sat in the plush bar area (which happens to have the biggest chandelier that I have ever seen! I love crystal chandeliers) and we began our chat.

L: So what can I help you both with?


Well we are in Rome for 3 days and want to see as much as possible, can you tell us where to go?

L: There are many places to go, and things to see. Have you perhaps read of some places you would like to visit?

No

L: Ok then... from your hotel you could walk to the Trevi Fountain and then after that you could head to the Panthenon (I say marking these on a map)

What is the Panthenon?

(I am a bit taken a back as most people coming to Rome for a holiday have at least have some vague idea of the main monuments)

L: It is one of the most well preserved and ancient sites in Rome. It was originally a pagan temple which then became a Christian place of worship...

(I saw the ladies eyes getting glazed over with this information so I changed tactic)

L: It is a nice building to see.

Oh, ok! Great. And where can I go shopping?

L: Well there are many other sites to see, but if you like to shop you could go here (circles onto the map.)

The silent husband interrupts.

I would like to go to the Colosseum (points for him as he has at least heard of this.)

We all study the map which has a picture of the Colosseum in the cornor and then next to it the Imperial Forum (which is where the bulk of the Ancient Roman ruins are situated.)


L: This is the Colosseum and this is Fori Imperiali with the ruins of Ancient Rome.

What is Ancient Rome?


......Need I say more?????

Here are some pics when bel ragazzo, my old colleague and I played tourist and took the open air bus around Rome. I often enjoy to take this bus, and better still I do not have to pay for it!

A city built on rock...or lava to be precise.

A few days ago when bel ragazzo was in town we made a trip into the city of Catania.

"Catania is the second largest province in Sicily, with Palermo the capital being the first. Catania's history is full of transformation as the city had the misfortune of being partly destroyed 9 times. In 1669 Mt Etna erupted on an enormous scale and destroyed much of Catania. It killed about 12,000 people and the lava flowed out to sea for about 1km. You can see on either side of the autostrada the lava from this eruption and you can also see statues of Madonne at the top of old lava which generally signifies that there was once a church in its place."  This is my weekly airport bus spiel as we transport clients to Taormina every Saturday. 

We set off for a pleasant albeit hot day of site seeing. Here are some pictures of what we think is a beautiful city, however not everyone agrees. In parts it is pristine, and off the main streets it is often run down. After historic eruptions, the majority of the city was rebuilt with lava stones giving Catania a dark, secretive feeling, which makes you want to get off the tourist track and delve deeper into the residential heart.












Does the photo of the castle above look strange at all? From this angle it is hard to see anything out of the ordinary, however the castle is on ground level. One would imagine that all castles are built on hill tops, with a perfect vantage point to spot incoming attacks? The odd thing about this castle is that it is built on ground level...Che pazzo! I hear you say. Yes. However it is not a crazy design, it did not use to be this way. Look closely at the photo again and maybe you can see big black lava stones by the base of the castle. Yes. You guessed it. This castle used to be on a hill top and when Etna erupted, lava came and covered everything in her path, covering the villages below which makes today's city on level with the once elevated castle.

Half naked men caught on camera

I have mentioned in previous posts that tourists here in Taormina (and all over the world) leave common sense and clothing at home when they come to a foreign land. Every Wednesday morning, the piazza below my balcony is transformed from our normal residential haven into a frenzy of fruit, vegetables, clothes, shoes etc...as the weekly market comes to town. Here is a before shot:



From my balcony I spotted these two men:





Let me point out that this is a rather small market, frequented by locals, locals who come to buy fruit, vegetables and other household items. I normally walk down my stairs with €10 in my pocket to see how much I can buy. Yesterday for €12.50 I purchased: 1 x tracksuit pants, 2 x long sleeve tops, tomatoes and peaches, clothes all new and fruit and veggies very nice! The tourists it seems go so they can strip off...or let's hope these old, unsightly men went to the market to buy a top since they forgot them in their home land.

Tourists...tourists...

It's funny really how you live here and therefore no longer consider yourself a tourist or even a foreigner. You even find yourself disgusted with the tourists (or is that only me?!)


No, I am only joking, well only a little bit anyway. I am meant to love tourists as that is my job, but I tell you, having to be nice to tourists all day is hard work. Here are some recent 'issues' with my British clients abroad:

Picture Mount Entna - the largest active volcano in Europe and the 10th largest in the world. I am careful to remind people that they will be walking around the crater of the actual volcano. I tell them it can get cold at 3,300 metres, and they must wear comfortable and warm clothing. Of course not all of them listen to me! During the past week I've had clients dressed head to toe in their whitest of white outfits, some wearing shorts so their already white legs turn purple once the cold sets in. One lady wore ridiculously high heels with open toes and of course broke the heel on the hike up.

I do get annoyed when clients ask if there is an ATM/cashpoint or money withdrawing facilities on the volcano. Hello, it's a volcano!

When I went to the top of the crater, I was shocked by the amount of people trying to go under the safety roped off area. Now let me explain about the roped off sections. They are roped off because behind it is an active crater.  A crater where lava may pour out at any moment. It's therefore compulsory to have an Etna guide when you are up this high. When I was there some tourist had small children, much to young to be trekking an active volcano. To make matters worse the small child's hat flies off into the active crater. Rather then cut their losses and keep going, the father lifted up the safety rope and walked closer to the active crater. Thankfully he only walked one step before guides came running from every direction to stop him...and to save his life.

I must stop now, I could go on and on about tourists. But I will save some more stories for another day. I have 2 days off to go to the beach and be inundated with well...tourists!